David’s Diary: Listening Despite The Noise

We had a small internal meeting at work last week and one of the things we decided was that for the month of November we would try to focus as a team on the theme of Listening. Listening is pretty straight-forward I thought – most of us have been doing it since birth! But actually, the more I thought about it, the more complex it seemed to become. I thought that for the next couple of blogs I might look at different aspects of what I think it means to listen effectively.

The World we inhabit is, of course, very different from the past in many ways, not least of which is in the way that we are hit with information and opinion from every direction all the time. I’ve come to conclude that in this world, a really important part of listening in a meaningful way, is being able to discern the difference between what we can rely on and what we should question.

I think it’s fair to say that I have a tendency towards nerdiness. I am currently reading a book on statistics for non-mathematicians, and I’m finding it incredibly fascinating. It’s also a little bit scary, especially as it is has been highlighting for me how misuse of statistics and information generally can completely change our understanding of the facts. These days it is becoming more and more difficult to tell the difference between truth, part-truth and complete fiction. We are bombarded with stories, facts, scams, scripted ‘reality tv’, product-placement and opinions, all jumbled up and presented to us in the form of newsfeed items and temptingly-worded clickbait pieces. On top of which, the more cynical politicians and activists have realised that if they make enough noise about some conspiracy or claim; or shout loudly enough about ‘fake news’, they can sow seeds of doubt into our mind on any subject, whether that be climate change, Brexit or anything else.

I can’t help thinking that however difficult it is for adults to make our way through all of the digital noise, it must be almost impossible for children and teens to be able to unscramble truth from fiction and know what they can trust and what they should treat with caution to avoid being manipulated.

In his book Bad Science, Ben Goldacre described how in 2006 a newspaper in England ran a headline that said Cocaine Floods the Playground. This worrying story referred to UK government statistics about how cocaine use among 11-15 year olds had DOUBLED in the previous year. Certainly, that sounds like an incredibly troubling statistic – surely it needs a serious response? However, when looked at more closely, the statistics were not quite what they seemed. Firstly, the actual rate of cocaine use was described in the Government report as 1% in 2004 and 2% in 2005, so the real numbers were still very small. Secondly, both those figures had been rounded to the nearest whole number – the exact figures were 1.4% in 2004 and 1.9% in 2005 (so, out of 9,000 children in the survey, 45 more said they tried cocaine in 2005 than in 2004). And thirdly, because the survey wasn’t randomised, it is quite possible that it had thrown up unrepresentative results – those few children who had taken cocaine were going to the same schools and potentially hanging out with each other, so may not have been a good sample of children at large. You might almost suggest that the statistics should have given rise to the headline School-Age Cocaine Use Unchanged (may not have sold as many papers, I guess?).

Perhaps, in order to listen in a meaningful way, more than ever before, we need to pay really close attention; educate ourselves; and then be willing to question, so that we cannot be manipulated so easily. I need to constantly remind myself that to listen effectively I have to ask myself where the story came from and what exactly are the tiny but important details that give meaning to that story. I am coming to the conclusion that the art of listening must include the disappearing art of questioning.

Bye for now,

David

Last week I was travelling across Europe and found myself with a two hour stop-over in Zurich Airport. As I usually do, I found myself in the English language section of the Airport bookshop and I picked up a book that looked like it might have some resonance for me in the context of what I have been involved in with LIFT over the last 2 years. The book was called The Road to Character by David Brooks.

I can’t profess to have read too deeply into it yet, but I did take a peek at the Introduction (which is quite unlike me as usually I skip this and go straight for the main sections). The very first paragraph however made me stop and think. In it, the author talks about the difference between what he calls the resumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. Resumé virtues are the things we claim about ourselves when we are going for a job or applying for a promotion. They are easy to imagine: I thrive in complex and challenging environments; I am passionate about bottom line results and customer satisfaction – that kind of thing. Eulogy virtues on the other hand are different – they are the things that we would like others to be able to say about us after we pass on.

As Brooks says, most people probably naturally feel that the eulogy virtues are the ones that really matter – these go deep to the heart of who we really are and what we have stood for. But, for some reason, many of us seem to spend a lot more of our energy on trying to build up a resumé of those more shallow and less meaningful achievements.

I think most of us at some stage have wondered to ourselves what would be written or said about us after we pass on. In our imagination, we see a packed room, full of sad and weeping mourners, as hush descends and the eulogy solemnly begins.  I have to admit that if my ability to focus on customer satisfaction is one of the headlines, then I think perhaps my time here could have been better spent. 

What most of us really want is to be known for things like integrity, courage, honour and kindness.

We want to be remembered as people of character.

Yet few of us spend much time or effort on trying to build our character. It is almost as though we feel that character is too embedded to be able to improve. I don’t think however that this is true. There are too many examples throughout history of people who have changed their lives around completely, for me to believe that we don’t have the power to become better versions of ourselves. Who we have been in the past doesn’t need to be who we will be today or tomorrow.

Sometimes, all that is needed is for us to take the time to reflect carefully on what it is that we would like to be remembered for.

Then, just be that person.

I am beginning to feel middle aged.

My eldest child left home to go to University a few weeks ago. Friends of mine are in the same position, some of them being empty nesters already. Given that in my mind’s eye I am still in my 20s, this is something of an alarming wake up call for me.

I wonder perhaps if it is time for me to start acting my age?

I have a friend (for my own safety I will withhold the name!) who is still in his 40s but acts like he is approaching 100! He is starting to dress and talk differently. Despite his health being perfect, everything about him is slower, he talks of how things were when he was younger. I can almost see his posture change as he settles into life as the elder statesman. 

The Earth is 4,540,000,000 years old. Humankind really has only flourished as the dominant species for the last 10,000 years and each of us as individuals only gets to live for perhaps 100 years, if we are lucky.  That’s the equivalent of a pretty small drop in the ocean of time – we have each perhaps 1 50 millionth of our planet’s lifespan to make our mark and make a difference. It may not be a long time, but let’s remember that Alexander The Great conquered kingdoms and changed the course of history and he died aged only 32!

2,000 years ago the Roman philosopher Seneca said: It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. … So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short… Life is long if you know how to use it.

I wonder if I am making the most of my time?

People often say if I had my life to live over again I would do this or that. Well I am slightly over 50 years old now – things going well, that means that I have potentially got my whole lifetime again, still ahead of me – but even better, I don’t have to spend the next first 20 years growing from baby through to adult! I have 50 fully developed, fully functional (hopefully) years ahead. Surely this is my time now to make sure I am making my mark? 

So away with the pipe and slippers – I’m off to a rave!